Goodbye to the pain                   .. .. .07.19.04

First off.. lemme jezz apologize for my previos blogs. I have never used so many FUCK words in my life in a mere couple minutes. Haha.. well.. to let chu folks noe, im not as bitter anymore.. I guess I’ve jezz had more time to think and realize things.. I dunno.. da more time u got on ur hands, da more time u get to UNDERSTAND the importance of certain things goin on in ur life.. well.. lemme jezz go on preaching …

MY SINGLE LOVE LIFE:  well.. like I seyed, I’ve been having many long minutes to sit dea by myself and think.. I’ve realized many things.. actually.. it didn’t really hit me until my homeboy told me diz.. he says “ smilez, you always end up in the same feeling, just wid different partners. How many guys have u dated, and how many times have u end up in heartbreak? Don’t you realize it?!” so I asked him den whats da problem. He says its cuz I fall too quick too fast.. I agree.. I jezz think dat wen it comes to relationship, I jezz straight up suck!! I kant control my feelings, emotions, nor my heart. I don’t think I am ready to set foot in this path. Man, once I fall, I just keep on falling. I don’t want to do dat anymore. En worse yet, I ALWAISE FALL FOR DA WRONG GUYS!! I don’t wanna do diz no more.. so I call it QUITZ now.. yes you heard it, straight out from me! I QUIT!! No more relationships, no more heartbreaks, and no more falling hard on my face. I just don’t think im READY.. im still young, might as well sit back, learn, and enjoy my journey life without the drama and pain of a nigga breaking my heart. I noe I’ve said diz many times before, its just da onliee difference now is that it’s not becuz of a guy.. yeah even tho a certain some1 made me realize it, im purely doing diz all for me. So I wont be sad no more.. boys are just soo much pain and trouble. I don’t have enough strength to face it all anymore.. im gon save da rest of my strength to get over my court case and school problems.  Boys will onliee add on more burden to my already heavied shoulders. Damn.. after making dat decision.. I feel soo light.. its like a rock has jezz been lifted off my chest..  So.. goodbye for a real long time relationships. Goodbye. . . “seems to be da hardest words”. . .